There’s been a lot going on recently, but not a whole lot of it has been writing. All sorts of things from my partner being in and out of hospital, to crazy business going on at work. And through it all, I’ve struggled to find the motivation to sit down and write creatively.
I’m at the point in my work in progress where I’ve plotted out significant structural changes and all I have to do now is rewrite the whole book from the beginning. Easy, right?
So when I find I do have time for writing, I’ve been subconsciously (and consciously, I’ll admit) putting other things in front of starting. Putting it off. A little daunted by the task ahead. Also knowing that my expectations of the quality of this forthcoming draft are higher than ever.
It’s not as if I’ve been unproductive. In the last month, I have applied for an Australia Council grant to send me to Iceland Writers Retreat. I’ve applied directly to Iceland Writers Retreat for a scholarship as well, just in case. I’ve applied for the Ian Wilson Memorial Fellowship offered by the May Gibbs Trust. I’ve also written an article and pitched it at a magazine. So it’s not as if I’ve been idle.
I’ve also read a lot in the last month, more than I usually do. And I’ve written a bunch of reviews for work too.
All in all, I’m not being lazy – or at least I keep telling myself that – it’s just that none of it has been creative writing so a part of my brain tells me that I’m doing nothing. It focuses too much on the fact that I watched all of Black Mirror season 3 within 3 days of it being released. Or that I just spent an hour making a definitive Ane Brun playlist on Spotify before I started writing this post because I bought a ticket to see here in January and am beside myself with excitement.
That voice that keeps trying to tell me that I’m failing at being an ‘Author’. What I need to do is accept that creative motivation comes and goes like the tide. There’s been a bunch of other stuff in my life recently and I need to accept that it’s only natural that I don’t have it in me to sit and create a masterpiece. I need to go up to that voice and kick it in the shins and get on with things. Besides, I can feel the tide rising anyway. I’ve been reading a friend’s manuscript to offer feedback and it’s been making me think about my own. I know it won’t be long before I dive back in. That easy task of rewriting the whole thing… I’ll be wading in it soon.
I’ll leave you there, as I go and read more of this manuscript, wanting to get through it before I start my own. But I’ll leave you with a little Ane Brun treat. One of her more recent singles, and then a cover of my favourite song of hers that my friend Wyatt Moss-Wellington and I did under the name ‘Gold Star Band.’ That’s me on the autoharp, and I made the music video. Enjoy!